The Gryffindor Rouge
by Lady Celebare
Summary: *COMPLETE* Here it is, the first of my Moulin Rouge parodies! This one centers in on a doomed romance between Ron and Hermione... with Snape as the horrible duke! I really hope you guys have as much fun reading this as I did writing it!
1. The Castle is Alive...

Welcome, ladies and gents, wizards and witches, Hippogriffs and 7th-years, to Blade Malfoy's rendition of the fabulous, spectacular movie, Moulin Rouge! I'd like to take this opportunity to say that, no, I don't own either the Moulin Rouge or the Harry Potter series. All I really own is my in-progress book, but no one really cares about that… Anyway, as I said before, welcome! Please, lean back, relax, and enjoy this fanfiction. Before we start I'd like to give a huge thanks to Iris Green for writing the 'Arbre Rouge', the fantastic Lord of the Rings version of the Moulin Rouge. All right, enough blabbing, on with the show!  
  
(The movie opens to a far shot of a lone figure standing before a red curtain, arms raised as if to begin conducting.)  
  
Ron: (from offstage) Uh, Ms. Blade, could we go over this one scene again? You know, the… uh… scene in the… you know…  
  
Figure: (exasperated) No, Ron, we cannot go over the scene again! We've been over this scene a hundred times! Please, just go backstage and play your part!  
  
Ron: Oh, all right then… (blushes red to the roots of his hair) I'll just go take my place… (begins walking offstage when another voice speaks)  
  
Black: What's the holdup here?? This costume chafes!  
  
Figure: Ron…  
  
Black: Again? Ron, you've seen the movie, just go play your part!  
  
Ron: …  
  
Draco: (walks onstage behind Black) What in you-know-who's name is going on here? What's the holdup?  
  
Figure: (points to Ron)  
  
Draco: Weasly! Stop playing around!  
  
Ron: But…  
  
Black: (growls) Do I have to drag you offstage?  
  
Ron: (gulps) No… (walks offstage, thoroughly chastened)  
  
Draco: Thank god. (walks offstage with Black)  
  
Figure: (shakes head, then raises arms again. Instruments suddenly flare to life, producing vibrant music that fills the room. The figure onstage conducts the music wildly, and after a few moments of this the curtains open to reveal the title, "The Griffandor Rouge". The theme from "The Sound of Music" blares in the background. The scene then changes to a city scene, and the camera sweeps upward towards a high tower, and a single wizard sits atop a neighboring turret, singing to the moon.)  
  
There was a boy  
  
A very strange, enchanter boy  
  
They say he was really good at chess,  
  
Wizard's chess, never beat was he…  
  
  
  
And then one day,  
  
One magic day, he passed my dorm  
  
And while we spoke of many things,  
  
Keys with wings,  
  
This he said to me…  
  
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
  
Is just to love and be loved in return"  
  
(The view soars out across a vast lake and to a grotto, where a wooden signboard over the oaken entrance door says "Hogwarts Castle". It flies through the castle halls, focusing on the 7th-year prostitutes, Slytherin drug-dealers, illegal dung-bomb smugglers, and Hufflepuffs lying passed out from alcohol in the hallway. Then the view soars through an open window into a dingy tower turret, where a young man, his chin covered in ill- groomed stubble, flash by. He sits at his desk, a quill and parchment unused before him. He sits in the corner of his room, his head in his hands. He stands before his desk, eyes filled with tears, arms at his side. Then, finally, he sits and picks his quill up with trembling fingers.)  
  
Ron voice-over: The Griffandor Rouge: nightclub, dance hall, hogwarts house, run by 7th-year Harry Potter, home to the strange and beautiful 7th- years of the Griffandor House. The most beautiful was the 7th-year that I loved. Hermione – A house courtesan, she sold her love to the highest grader. (A faded, black-and-white shot of Hermione flashes onscreen briefly) The woman that I loved is… dead.  
  
I first came to the 7th year one year ago. It was not as my father described it-  
  
Arthur Weasly: A year of sin!  
  
Ron voice-over: No, it was the center of the Hogwartisan revolution! Seers, transfigurers, potions masters, professors all flocked to the Castle Academy for some pleasurable time before the start of term. I came to live the penniless life of a graduating wizard. (Scene shows Ron moving into the dilapidated turret across from the Red Tower) I had come to learn about that which I believed in above all else: Truth, Freedom, Beauty, and Love. But there was one problem – I had never been in love!  
  
Arthur Weasly: What is it with you and your ridiculous obsession with love?  
  
Ron Voice-over: Just then, an unconscious werewolf fell through my roof!  
  
(Lupin comes crashing down through the wooden floorboards of the room above and dangles, suspended by a cable wrapped around his hind paw)  
  
He was shortly followed by a Slytherin dressed as a muggle.  
  
(Draco walks in the door followed by Black, Neville, and Goyle)  
  
Draco: I'm terribly sorry – he has this condition, you see. Wolf-man one moment, wizard the next. I had to knock him out to keep him from biting us! (walks over to the dangling werewolf and jabs him with his wand) Wakey- wakey!  
  
Ron voice-over: They were rehersing a play, something very modern, called 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' for the Griffandor Rouge and Harry.  
  
Goyle: (sarcastically) Well, this is wonderful! The unconscious werewolf will be unable to read his part, and we will not have the scene ready on time unless we can find someone else to play the part of the young, sensitive Defense against the Dark Arts professor!  
  
(All look to Ron)  
  
Ron Voiceover: Before I knew it, I was standing in for the unconscious professor. However, there seemed to be some creative disputes.  
  
(The wizards are rehearsing in the tiny room above Ron's, and things aren't going too well. Black is attempting to rig up the lights, but only manages to shoot sparks from the tip of his wand. Neville hums a few discordant notes while trying to tune a guitar, and Draco is attempting to sing Goyle's lyrics)  
  
Draco: The castle rings with the notes of magical gongs-  
  
Black: (to Draco) That doesn't sound right. Why would the castle ring-  
  
Draco: Of course it would ring!  
  
Neville: How about, the Castle is vital with the chimes of magical bells?  
  
Ron: The Castle is alive-  
  
Goyle: No, no, no!  
  
Ron: The Castle is alive-  
  
Lupin: (briefly becomes human again) The castle echoes with the symphonies of the 7th-years! (becomes a werewolf again and gets knocked out by Draco)  
  
(All turn to stare at Lupin for a moment before returning to their bickering)  
  
Ron: (launches into song) The Castle is alive with the sound of music!  
  
(All pause and stare, stunned)  
  
Lupin: (becomes human again) The Castle is alive! I love it!  
  
Neville: (strums the notes) The castle is alive?  
  
Ron: With songs it has sung for a thousand years!  
  
(The revolutionaries go wild)  
  
Draco: Brilliant! You and Goyle should do the show together!  
  
Ron Voice-over: But Goyle and I doing the show together was not what Goyle wanted to hear.  
  
Goyle: (leaves the tower in a huff) Goodbye!  
  
Neville: (nervously) Oh dear. Whatever will Harry say? (To Ron) No offence, but have you ever written anything like this before?  
  
Lupin: Nonsense! The boy has talent! (goes to lean on the wall but leans on Ron, in a rather personal area, instead) (embarrassed) No funny business. I just like talent.  
  
Ron voice-over: But a shadow of doubt had been planted in my mind. I simply couldn't get my father's words out of my head!  
  
Arthur Weasly: You'll end up wasting your life at that Griffandor Rouge with a bloody Griffandor whore!  
  
Ron: (edging towards the door) Ah, no! I'm sorry, I can't write 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' for you! I don't even know if I am a true Hogwartsien Revolutionary!  
  
(The other wizards corner him)  
  
Lupin: Do you believe in freedom?  
  
Ron: Yes…  
  
Black: Truth?  
  
Ron: Yes.  
  
Neville: Beauty?  
  
Ron: Of course!  
  
Draco: Love??  
  
Ron: (pauses, staring at the others with disbelief written on his face) Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like… winning Quiddich! Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!  
  
(The wizards all smile benignly at their new revolutionary)  
  
Draco: You can't fool us! You're the voice of the children of the revolution!  
  
Ron voice-over: They devised a plan. I would wear Draco's best dress robes and they would pass me off as a famous writer from Durmstrang. They would then procure for me a private meeting with Hermione, the star of the Griffandor Rouge. After a private poetry reading she would insist to Harry that I write the show.  
  
Draco: Here's to your first job in Hogwarts! (passes out goblets full of a bubbling, foul-smelling brew to the wizards)  
  
Ron voice-over: I would also get my first taste of… butterbeer!  
  
(Everyone downs the beer. Suddenly a virulent green light illuminates their faces and the little green snake logo pops off the labels on their butterbeer bottles. The snake starts dancing in front of the revolutionaries)  
  
Snake: Hello, I'm the green basalisk! (Slithers away and sings) The castle is alive with the sound of music! (mesmerizes the drunken wizards, and they start singing off-key to all of Hogwarts)  
  
Revolutionaries: Beauty, freedom truth and loooooove!  
  
Snake: (with wizards as backup) The Castle is alive with the sound of music!  
  
Wizards: No you won't fool the children of the revolution! 


	2. Dance with me?

Author's Notes: Hope you liked the first chapter, and here's the second! I don't have much to say, other than I'm glad you liked the first chapter! So, read on, and enjoy…  
  
(The Hogwartsien Revolutionaries sneak into the Griffandor Rouge with Ron just as Harry walks onstage followed by his dancing girls: The Diamond Cats)  
  
Draco: (sits at a small table in a cramped alcove) Mission accomplished! We've managed to evade Harry!  
  
(All manage to scrabble into their seats just as the lights dim. A spotlight soars to illuminate a lone 7th-year suspended on a trapeze high above the crowds, and flitter sprinkles slowly down over the gathered wizards)  
  
Draco: (gesturing excitedly towards her) That's her! The Sparkling Diamond!  
  
Hermione: (sings as the trapeze descends) Some wizards are glad to die for love  
  
They delight in wizard's duels  
  
But I prefer a Diamond's love  
  
And a man to bring me jewels…  
  
Ron voice-over: but someone else was to meet Hermione that night.  
  
(scene shows a dark-haired, greasy older man with a hooked nose and a lustful look)  
  
Snape, the Slytherin house head.  
  
(The trapeze descends closer to the masses as the lights flick on and Hermione sings with more energy)  
  
A pass in the class may be quite continental  
  
But Aces are a girl's best friend  
  
A pass may be grand but it won't earn you house points for that hourglass  
  
Or erase bad marks from the past!  
  
Friends grow cold as grades grow old  
  
But it's all worth the time in the end  
  
So 100's or Aces this time isn't wasted  
  
Great grades are a girl's best friend!  
  
Harry: (to Snape) After this little number I've arranged a private meeting between you and Hermione.  
  
Draco: (to Ron) After this number I've arranged a private meeting between you and Hermione, totally alone!  
  
Ron: A-alone?  
  
Draco & Harry: Yes, totally alone!  
  
(Hermione continues dancing around, flirting with the men and agilely dodging their advances. She then dances up to a platform, and Harry climbs up beside her)  
  
Hermione: Talk to me Harry Potter, tell me all about it!  
  
There may come a time when a girl takes a sick day  
  
Harry: But aces are a girl's best friend!  
  
Hermione: There may come a time when a hard-worked professor thinks you're-  
  
Harry: Awful nice! (mimes grabbing Hermione's rear)  
  
Hermione: Ooh, but get that ace or else no grades!  
  
Dancers: (sing back-up)  
  
Hermione: (whispers) Is the professor here tonight, Harry?  
  
Harry: Yes, my canary crème!  
  
Hermione: Ooh, where is he?  
  
Harry: (eyes widen as he notices that Draco has managed to evade security and procure a table. The Slytherin has accidentally spilt some butterbeer down Snape's front and is trying, clumsily, to wipe it off) He's the one Malfoy is waving the hanky at.  
  
Draco: (realizes that his napkin is soaked and reaches back to his own table) Excuse me, may I borrow that? (steals Ron's napkin and shakes it out in his face)  
  
Hermione: (squints) Are you sure?  
  
Harry: Let me check. (Looks over her shoulder, and by now Draco is back to waving the napkin in Snape's face) Yes, quite sure.  
  
Draco: (snaps the napkin in Snape's face) Terribly sorry!  
  
Snape: Get off! (whacks the napkin away)  
  
Draco: You borzoi pig! (snorts)  
  
Crabbe: (looms out of the shadows) Grrr… (balls up fists)  
  
Draco: Ipe! Eheh, so sorry… (scampers back to his own table)  
  
(Hermione and Harry duck into a cloaking circle of long-skirted dancers)  
  
Hermione: Will he invest?  
  
Harry: After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?  
  
Hermione: (taking her hair down and brushing it out) What's his type? Bold transfigurer, wilting Herbology master, or smoldering potionist? (growling noise) (starts pulling on another revealing robe, this time a silvery feather-trimmed one)  
  
Harry: Hmm, I'd say… smoldering potionist. We're all counting on you, griffling. With Snape's support, we'll get a real graduation party with straight-A grades and you'll be-  
  
Hermione: A real witch… (looks up forlornly, perhaps contemplating her struggles with her heritage. After a moment she looks at Harry, beaming, then springs upright)  
  
'Cos that's when those teachers  
  
Get rid of the lechers,  
  
Great grades are a girl's best friend!  
  
(Struts over to Ron's table, smiling seductively) I believe you were expecting me?  
  
Ron: (A bit breathlessly) Yes…. Yes.  
  
Hermione: (turns to the crowd, which is chanting 'Hermione! Hermione!') I'm afraid it's lady's choice! (turns back to Ron) dance with me?  
  
(Ron just sits there, dazed, mouth half open in a rather stupefied expression while his fellow revolutionaries encourage him with nudges. Hermione pouts to the audience who goes 'awwww', then dances backwards making little trilling noises until Ron is engulfed in the feathers of her robe. The musicians strike up a lively tune, and Hermione pulls Ron up and out to the middle of the dance floor.)  
  
Neville: He certainly has a way with women!  
  
Draco: I told you, he's a genius!  
  
Hermione: (To Ron) It's so wonderful you've taken an interest in our little show.  
  
Ron: I'd love to help in any way I can, assuming you like what I do, of course.  
  
Hermione: (looking momentarily shocked) I'm sure I will!  
  
Ron: (dips Hermione and stutters, Quirrel-style) Draco told me that we could, uh, do it in private.  
  
Hermione: Did he?  
  
Ron: Yes, you know, a p-private… p-poetry reading!  
  
Hermione: Oh, of course! I love a little… (makes grabbing motions in Ron's face) poetry after supper!  
  
Harry: (looking on) That Professor certainly can dance!  
  
(The music starts winding down and Hermione prances back to her trapeze. She seats herself lightly on it, and as she is lifted up again, the band starts playing the closing notes of 'Aces are a Girl's Best Friend'. Everyone is oblivious to the drama about to happen.)  
  
Hermione: (sings) Aces are a girl's… best… (opens her mouth to finish, but rather than the closing word, a harsh, tearing gasp rips free of her throat. The audience cheers and waves their arms for the finish, but Hermione's eyes roll back in her head and she topples from the trapeze-)  
  
Harry: (horrified) NOOOO!  
  
(-straight into Hagrid's outstretched arms. Hagrid looks bewildered and glances up at Harry, who motions for him to bring the fallen diamond backstage. Hagrid obeys and stumps behind the glittering curtain, followed by the rest of the diamond cats. The dancing girls sit in the shadows like ravens as Hagrid gently places Hermione's limp body on a dressing table. Minerva McGonagal hurries into the room, a vial already uncorked in her veined hands. She tips a few drops down Hermione's throat, and the Sparkling Diamond comes awake to a fit of rasping, hacking coughs. She holds a white cloth to her mouth, and a speck of red dots one of the corners. McGonagal looks on, worried, and her worst suspicions are confirmed when Hermione takes the cloth from her mouth; a large clot of blood sits in the center of it.)  
  
Millicent: (snidely, from the shadows) Don't look like that professor'll be getting' his money's worth tonight.  
  
Cho: Shh, don't be mean!  
  
McGonagal: (tips more of the fluid down Hermione's throat) Get it all up, love.  
  
Hermione: (coughs some more, then lies back weakly. When she next speaks she sounds tired and breathless, but attempts to seem unconcerned.) Oh these… these silly robes…  
  
Moody: (bustles in) Is everything all-right?  
  
McGonagal: (sharply) Nothing for you to be worried about.  
  
Moody: (glances around nervously) Then what are you all waiting for? Get out there and make those warlocks hungry! (shoes the reluctant courtesans out the door)  
  
(Outside, the wizards are chanting Hermione's name. Moody is in the crowd, making cutting signs to Harry. Harry gets the message and looks at the crowds, trying to hide his distress.)  
  
Harry: You've frightened her away!  
  
Crowd: Awww!  
  
Harry: But I see some other lonely Moulin Rouge dancers looking for a partner or two! So if you can hunk, hunk, then you can hunkadora with them! (spins the block on his raised platform and raises his arms, feigning exuberance, but there is a pained and worried look on his face.)  
  
In Hermione's dressing room…  
  
(Hermione is standing before a mirror while McGonagal zips up the diamond's tight-fitting, flattering red robes)  
  
McGonagal: We'll get you all trussed up and ready to meet that professor. He'll make you a straight-A student!  
  
Hermione: I'm going to fly away from here, McGonagal. (Looks to a bird singing in an iron cage and baby-talks to it) Ooo, yes, I'm going to fly away!  
  
McGonagal: With Snape grading you, you'll be a real grade-A witch, just like Morgana!  
  
Hermione: Oh, do you really think I could live up to the great sorceress Morgana?  
  
McGonagal: I don't see why not!  
  
(Harry enters the room in a rush, looking distressed)  
  
Harry: Is everything all right?  
  
Hermione: (breathlessly, looking at Harry from the mirror) Everything's fine, Harry. How do I look? (whirls around to face him) Smouldering potionist?  
  
Harry: (rushes forward, delighted) Everything's going so well!  
  
A/N: Hope you enjoyed that one! Next up is the scene ikkle Ronnikins didn't want to do… Keep checking back! The chapters might come more slowly now, since I have to type them up and my time is limited, but I've already hand-written the whole story so… never fear, it will be finished! 


	3. I'd Prefer to do it Standing

Chapter 3: I'd Prefer to do it Standing 

**Rating: **PG-13 for the obvious reasons

**Notes: **Pardon any grammatical errors, spelling errors, plot errors, script errors, whatever.  I wrote this while preparing to take my AP European Exam (which I must pass with a 4 or a 5 to get college credit o.o;), so I was a bit flustered.  FYI, 'kneazles' are cat-like creatures from 'Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them'.  Anyway, enough prattle!  Enjoy!

Draco: (to the other revolutionaries) Look, he's gone straight to the Hippogriff! (points to a Hippogriff-shaped building)

Elsewhere…

Snape: (mutters to Crabbe) Tell Harry that the Sparkling Diamond is waiting.  (stalks off, very Snape-like)

In the Hippogriff…

(The Hippogriff is a large Hippogriff-shaped structure atop the Red Tower.  It's very well-made, and from a distance one might mistake it for the real thing.  Ron stands before an opening in the Hippogriff's 'chest', hands behind his back and a nervous expression on his face.  Behind him is an opulently furnished bed complete with brilliantly red and pink silk sheets, velvet pillows, and rich velvet curtain hangings.  A small table sits next to Ron – who can't seem to stop fidgeting – and it is covered in exotic fruits and expensive wines.  The Hippogriff is decorated in a distinctly Medieval style, with great woven tapestries on the walls and golden sconces with lit torches burning brightly.  Ron is staring at the moon, running his lines in his head, when Hermione enters the room.  The is quite scantily clad, and when Ron turns to face her, his eyes very nearly pop out of his skull.)

Hermione: (seductively) This is an excellent place for a… poetry reading… don't you think?  (crosses to the table) Would you like a glass of wine?

Ron: Erm, actually, if you don't mind, I'd rather get it over and done with.

Hermione: (very nearly drops the glass) Oh!  (walks over to the bed and lounges on it) Well then, why don't you come down here and… get it over with?

Ron: Actually, I'd prefer to do it standing.

Hermione: Oh! (moves to get up)

Ron: You don't have to stand!  It's just, it may be quite long, and I'd prefer you to be comfortable.  (Hermione looks quite interested by this pronouncement) It's quite modern, what I do, and it may feel a little funny at first – but I'm sure if you're open you'll enjoy it!    

Hermione: I'm sure I will!

(Ron nods, then turns, trying to find the right poem to start with.  Half-naked Hermione isn't helping any.  Thinking he's got a grasp on things, he turns back to her.)

Ron: The sky… the sky is… oh dear.  (turns around again, making various nerve-curing noises while muttering 'come on' to himself and attempting to ignore Hermione's seduction noises.  It isn't working.)

Hermione: (sits up, faintly annoyed) Um, excuse me… is everything all right?

Ron: (turns around abruptly, blushing crimson.  His poems have never failed him before.  Then again, he's never had to say them in front of a scantily-clad woman inside of a Hippogriff before) Erm, well, yes – it's just that sometimes it takes a while for – for inspiration t-to come.

Hermione: (nods understandingly, thinking she knows what the problem is.) Oh, I see… (goes about things in typical Hermione fashion – straight to the root of the 'problem') Let mommy help you… (grabs Ron's crotch, and the wizard stiffens in shocked surprise, letting out a half-gasp half-yelp sort of noise) Does that _inspire_ you?  Come on, let's make love!  (shoves Ron onto the bed and tackles him with gusto)

Ron: O.O W-wha-

Hermione: You know you want to make love!  You can feel the poetry!  (Ron struggles somewhat against Hermione's 'professional' hands, making a lot of noise – both protesting and not-so-protesting sorts of noises.  Of course, trying to escape Hermione is like trying to escape a devil's snare – remember Ron and task two?  Meanwhile, outside, Neville, Black, and Lupin are lowering Draco down off of the Hippogriff's beak.) I need your poetry, now! (yanks Ron's pants down) Ooo, big boy!

Draco: (swings down just as Ron's pants come off) O.O He's got huge… talent!

Ron: (wriggles out from under Hermione and leaps to the floor.  He then stands up quickly, hitching his pants back up, and whirls around to face Hermione with an expression of distress on his face.  He obviously didn't expect any of this.) It's a little bit funny!

Hermione: What?

Ron: It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.  I'm not one of those who can easily hide; is this – is this all right, is this what you wanted?

Hermione: (Once again, totally misses the point) Oh, poetry!  Yes – yes this is what I want: naughty words!

Ron: I – I don't have much money, but by God if I did, I'd buy a big castle where we could both live! (Ron attempts to ignore Hermione, who is… a bit busy on the floor, and the glances he keeps giving her are deeply disturbed) If I were an Auror – no wait, never mind – I'll be an alchemist, making rocks shine!  I know it's not much but it's the best I can do- (turns from Hermione and bursts into song) My gift is my song!

(Hermione stops and looks up at Ron, completely taken off guard, but completely awestruck.  So __this__ is what he meant by poetry…)

And this one's for you

And you can tell everybody that this is your song

I hope you approve of it, now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words,

How wonderful life is, now you're in the world (turns back to Hermione with a big Weasly grin)

I sat on the roof and I shooed off the owls

Some of these verses well they, they made me quite proud

'Cos the moon's been kind while I wrote this song!

It's for people like you that keep it turned on!

(The aforementioned moon sings backup)

Please excuse my forgetting – to me they seem new

See, I've forgotten if they're gold or they're blue!

But, anyway, the thing is – and I really love you,

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen!

(Takes Hermione's hand and leaps out of the Hippogriff, landing magically on a thick, sparkling swath of clouds that hovers above Hogwarts.  They dance among the turrets, Ron swinging Hagrid's big, pink umbrella, while the moon sings.  Atop the Hippogriff's head, Draco and the Revolutionaries howl like wolves.

And you can tell everybody, this is your song!

I'm glad you approve it, now that it's done…

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I've put down in words…

How wonderful life is, now you're in the world!

(The moon sings a final burst of song as Ron and Hermione return to the Hippogriff.  As the music ends, Ron dips Hermione, this time without stuttering, and Hermione is completely lovestruck.  You can almost see the little love hearts popping up around them)

Hermione: I can't believe it (sighs) I'm in love with a clever, handsome professor!

Ron: (laughing softly) Professor?

Hermione: Not that the title's important.

Ron: I'm not a professor.

Hermione: (dreamily) Not a Professor?

Ron: No, I'm a writer 7th-year.

(The romantic music groans to an abrupt stop as the light bulb blinks on in Hermione's brain.  She pulls herself out of Ron's arms, looking faintly dangerous.)

Hermione: Oh no, you wouldn't be another one of Draco Malfoy's charmingly Hogwartisen, dashingly 7th-year impoverished writers, would you?

Ron: (shrugs modestly, still smiling) I suppose you could say that-

Hermione: (screeches) I'm going to kill him!

Draco: (hurriedly pulls himself up) We may have a small problem…

Hermione: (hurriedly, to Ron) You must leave – the Professor… (opens the door to see Harry standing with Snape, explaining Hermione's absence.  She shuts the door and whirls about) The professor!  Hide!

Harry: (opens the door slightly) Are you decent for the professor?

Hermione: (whirls about again, holding out an arm to block Ron – who is crouching behind her legs – with the sleeve of her robe.  She smiles falsely, half-glaring at Ron.) Of course!

(Enter Snape: Slime ball extreme.  He has obviously not washed his hair in a few days; it looks wet, and you can see the comb tracks running through it.  His skin is pale and unpleasant, like the skin of something that has crawled out from under a rock.  He's quite scrawny, even more so than Ron (who at least has some muscle from Quiddich games) and he's… old.)

Hermione: I'm so pleased that you could take time out of your busy schedule to come.

Snape: (smiling greasily) The pleasure, I fear, will be entirely mine.  (goes to kiss her hand) A kiss on the hand may be quite continental-

Hermione: (pulls her hand away) -but aces are a girl's best friend.  Very clever, my dear Professor.

Harry: I think I'll just leave you two kneazles to become better acquainted.  (leaves)

Snape: (walks towards the table that Ron is now hiding under) After tonight's pretty exertions on stage, would you care for some fruit or wine?

Hermione: (shrieks, eyes wide) Don't!  Um- (calms down and turns towards the window in the Hippogriff's chest) don't you just love the view?

Snape: (somewhat puzzled) Charming, I'm sure. (goes to turn back to the table)

Hermione: (makes a trilling noise and starts dancing crazily around the room) I feel like dancing!  Don't you?

Snape: (perturbed) Well-

Hermione: (suddenly) It's a little bit funny!

(Ron peeks up from behind the table on hearing his words, and luckily Snape isn't looking his way.  The professor still looks rather confused; this isn't going quite how he expected)

Hermione: This- (looks over Snape's shoulder and sees Ron mouthing the words) feeling!  Inside.  I'm not one of those who can easily- (Ron plays peek-a-boo while mouthing 'hide') Hide! (Ron slips, causing a dish to fall off the table and splatter noisily to the floor.  Snape whirls about but is soon distracted again when Hermione throws herself at his feet and clutches his legs) I don't have much money, but if I did, I'd buy a big castle where we could both live! (sings softly while rising to her feet, running her hands up Snape's sides as she does) I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world.  (Snape's eyes light up, and he smiles stupidly – he is completely and irrevocably infatuated with the Sparkling Diamond)

Snape: Beautiful!

Hermione: (her face close to Snape's she flickers her eyes from Ron's eyes back to the Professor's) It's from 'Spectacular! Spectacular!'  Suddenly with you here, I found the true meaning in those words.

(Ron creeps towards the door and opens it quietly, but stops dead in his tracks when he sees Crabbe standing guard outside)

Snape: And what's that?

(Startled, Ron shuts the door loudly and is nearly seen.  In that instant Hermione saves him by hurling herself on the bed, wailing)

Hermione: Don't toy with my emotions, professor!  You must know the effect you have on witches!

Snape: Well, I suppose-

Hermione: (reaches up and yanks Snape down onto the bed with her, glaring over his shoulder at Ron.  She motions to the back door, her face a mask of suppressed rage) Let's make love!  You know you want to make love! (Snape protests slightly while Ron gives Hermione a reproving glance) you're right, we should wait until opening night.  (Ron nods and grins, then shoots for the back door, where he hides behind a set of curtains) You should leave.  (Shoves Snape off of her and stands)

Snape: But I've only just arrived!

Hermione: (pushing him out the door) Yes, but we'll be seeing each other every day once rehearsals start!  Goodbye – get out.  (slams the door in Snape's face, then wheels about on Ron, who has emerged from hiding) Do you have any idea- (gasps) any idea what would have happened (gasps) if you were found?  Ooh… (eyes roll back in her head and she faints, conveniently, into Ron's arms)

Ron: O.o Hermione! (shakes her)

Back at the Gryffandor Rouge…

Harry: Let's have a little peeky-poo… (casts a viewing spell and sees what looks like Snape holding Hermione) Right on, darling!

(Ron is very disturbed by Hermione's sudden fainting spell and tries to wake her – unsuccessfully.  He then decides that it might be a good idea to lay her on the bed until she recovers.  He drags her in that general direction, with some difficulty, and he's nearly there when his Weasly clumsiness gets the better of him.  His legs get tangled in Hermione's, and he trips.  Miraculously, Hermione lands on the bed – with Ron on top of her.  Snape chooses just that moment to enter the room.)

Snape: I forgot my wa- (notices Ron and Hermione.  Ron shakes his head, trying desperately to think up a believable excuse for his position.) Oh.  A little bit of… foreplay?

(Hermione suddenly comes back into consciousness, and though she looks rather groggy, she instantly realizes that this situation is going to require some quick thinking and a lot of luck to keep Snape from killing Ron.  Being Hermione – a student and actress above all others – she quickly thinks up an excuse.  She lifts her head slightly while Ron struggles up, and smiles benignly at Snape)

Hermione: Oh, my dear professor!  I'm so glad you've had a chance to meet our new writer.  We were just rehearsing.

Snape: (angrily) Rehearsing!  Hah!  Do you take me for an idiot? You expect me to believe that scantily clad, in the arms of another wizard, _inside of a Hippogriff_, that you were rehearsing!?

(Just in the nick of time who should come marching in through the back entrance but the Revolutionaries – and they are quite ready to rectify the situation by doing what they do best: acting.)

Draco: How's the rehearsal going?

Neville: I hope the piano's in tune!

Black: (turns to Snape with a goblet in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other) Can I offer you a drink?

Harry: (peeks in again to check on his little griffling and notes with some alarm that there are a lot of people inside the Hippogriff that shouldn't be there) Oh my! (scampers out)

Hermione: (to Snape) Yes, after you left I was filled with divine inspiration, and I realized that we had so much work to do – So I called an emergency rehearsal.

Snape: (suspiciously) If you're rehearsing, where's Potter?

Hermione: (airily) Oh, there's no need to bother Ha-

Harry: (blusters in, babbling apologetically) My dear professor, I'm most terribly sorry-

Hermione: Ah, Harry!  I'm so glad you could make it to our _emergency rehearsal!_

Harry: (smiling forcedly) Emergency rehearsal?

Hermione: Yes, we called it up especially for the professor – that's why he's so keen to _invest!_

Harry: Invest? (a lightbulb blinks on) Oh, yes, invest!  Well, I'm sure that Goyle will be only too happy to-

Draco: (shrilly) He's left!

Harry: I beg your pardon?

Hermione: (quickly) Harry, the rat's out of the bag – the professor is already a big fan of our new writer!

Harry: (looks around nervously with a massive forced smile) Ah, yes, well, you can hardly blame us for trying to hide out young- (glances at Ron desperately.  Ron mouths his name to the wizard) Ron!  Away.

Snape: I'm way ahead of you on this, Potter.

Harry: Well then, why don't we retire to my office to peruse the paperwork, hmm?

Snape: What's the story?

Harry: Hmm? (realizes that this situation is getting tricky)

Snape: Well, if I'm to invest grades into this, I'll need to know the story.

Harry: Erm, well, it's about- Draco?

Draco: It's about, uh-

Ron: It's about love!

(everyone turns to Ron, fervently hoping that this young 7th-year is as good at improv acting as he is at singing)

Snape: (sneering) Love?

Ron: (looking sidelong at Hermione) It's about love conquering all things.

Draco: And it's set in Paris!

Ron: No, London!  It's set in London!  And there's this witch, who's a courtesan, the most beautiful courtesan in the wizarding world! (turns angrily on Snape) But her city is invaded by an evil Death-Eater!  She must seduce the Death-Eater to save her city.  However, on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless Gry- (realizes he's half-indicating himself and stops abruptly) A penniless Auror for the Death-Eater!  The Auror wasn't trying to trick the witch or anything, but it just so happened that he was… (looks over at Black) hunting down evil warlocks!  And he and the courtesan fall in love with each other!  But they have to hide their love from the evil Death-Eater.

Draco: (rushes forward, brandishing his wand, his pale blue-gray eyes sparkling as he gets into the spirit of things) The Auror's wand is magical!  It can only speak the truth!  I shall play the part of the magic wand.  (puts the wand under his chin and turns to Hermione) You are beautiful!  (turns to Ron) You're a stupid Weasly.  (turns to Snape) And you're- (everyone claps their hands over Draco's mouth)

Snape: (more enthusiastically) And it gives the game away!

All: Yes!

Black: (snatches Draco's want away) I shall be the Auror, who can sing like an angel, but dance like the devil! (strikes a tango pose and a brief chord of 'Morgaine' is heard)

Draco: (to Ron) Tell him about the cancan!

Ron: It's a Godric cancan-

Harry: (cuts him off and shoves his face in Snape's face) It captures the erotic, thrusting, passionate moves of a cancan with the wild Hogwartisen ideals that this whole production embodies!  It will be… Spectacular!  Spectacular!  No words in the vernacular, can describe this great event!  You'll be dumb with wonderment!  (in a low voice) Returns are fixed at ten percent.  You must agree, that's excellent!  (sings) And on top of your fee…

All: (sing) You'll be involved artistically.

Snape: What do you mean by that?

All: (sing) So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

Neville: Hippogriffs!

Black: Slytherins!

Harry: Magic wands!

Hermione: And courtesans.

Neville: (in a falsetto) Magic acts!

Lupin: And dragon's lairs!

Black: Exotic potions!

Black and Lupin: Fire-eaters!

Ron: Quiddich games and how to fence!

Hermione: Intrigue, danger-

Draco: And romance!

All: Fiery lights, and sorcery!

Harry: Oh, even Muggle electricity!

All: So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

Spectacular, Spectacular, no words in the vernacular

Can describe this great event, you'll be dumb with wonderment!

(Neville chants an old Gothic chant)

All: The castle is alive with the sound of music…

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

Snape: Yes, but what happens in the end?

(Everyone looks at everyone else nervously, then bustles to get into place.  Ron pulls open the makeshift curtain)

Ron: (sings) The courtesan and Auror-man are pulled apart by an evil plan-

Hermione: But in the end she hears his song-

Ron: And their love is just too strong… (casts a love struck glance at Hermione)

Snape: (sings in a horribly off-key, wavering voice) It's a little bit funny, this feeling insi-i-ide… hmm? (grins)

(everyone winces, then quickly continue the song before Snape can sing anything else)

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

Ron: The Auror-wizard's magic wand helps them flee the evil one! (Black enchants a little wizard doll to dance across a little puppet-show stage) Though the warlock rants and rails, it is all to no avail!

Harry: (in a very loud 'pay attention to me' voice) I am the evil Death-Eater!  You will not escape! (Snape quails, and laughs a little, unaware that they're all mocking him)

Hermione: Oh, Harry, no one could play him like you could!

Harry: No one's going to.

All: So exciting, we'll make them laugh, we'll make them cry! 

So delighting-

Snape: And in the end should someone die?

All: O.o

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer!

So delighting, it will run for fifty years!

(Crabbe stalks in at the last refrain to see what all the noise is about, but before he can kill anyone, Draco lands on his head – not for the last time – for a final pose.)

Snape: (thinks a moment) Generally, I like it.

(All of the others go wild and mob him, cheering excitedly)

A/N: Finally finished, phew!  Having the Moulin Rouge 2 CD really helps for re-writing the pitch… everyone, go out and get it!  I command thee!  J/k :D  Oh, one last note… I put a lot of work into the song parodies to make them fit the music that's actually in the movie, so if you have the CDs or the movie, try singing these lyrics to the songs!  They work really well (most of them anyway).  If you have suggestions for me on how to make my song lyrics fit the ones in the movie, I'd love to hear them!

To Adnap: Come June, when I'm allowed out of the house again, Katie and I are going to hog-tie you to a chair and make you watch this fantastic movie, muahaha!  Seriously, you haven't lived until you've experienced the magic of the Moulin Rouge and Ewan McGreg- uh, I mean, the great music ^^;

To Iris Green: Thank you for your review!  You're really the one responsible for this whole 'project'; if I hadn't read your parody, I probably wouldn't have thought of writing this one.  Everyone, go read the Arbre Rouge!  I command thee!  Wow, I'm 'commanding thee' to do a lot today, huh?

   ****


	4. I was made for lovin' you, 'Mione

**Chapter 4: **I was Made for Lovin' you, 'Mione

**Rating: **PG

**Notes: **Hmm, I was gonna wait to put this up for a bit, until I had another chapter typed, but I got four new reviews in three days, so I wanted to appease the fans… I hope you guys enjoy it!  Thank you to _everyone_ who reviewed; without you guys I might not have finished the typing!  As it is, I'll start working on the next chapter right now… I'm inspired!

To SaturnRiddle: thanks for Moulin rouge Ewan ^^ I'll take reeeeal good care of him :D

To angelic01: If Ewan McGregor lands a roll in movie 3, I will have a heart attack and die.  Then I'll revive myself so I can see the movie, and drool… 

(Imagine a full-on Gryffandor common-room party, multiply it by ten, and you've got a pretty good picture of what's going on inside the turret.  Canary Crèmes are scattered about, a Butterbeer keg rests against one wall, and what looks like Honeyduke's entire stock is laid out on two long trestle tables.  The revolutionaries are engaging in 'less that appropriate' behavior; Millicent is strutting around, making quite a nice profit, Black has surrounded himself with pilfered wine from the Hippogriff, Lupin is hitting on professor McGonagal, and Draco hangs drunkenly out of a window, bawling a song at the top of his lungs.  In contrast to the general carousal above, Ron sits at his desk in his room below, trying – and failing – to write.  As yet another beer bottle is flung from the room upstairs he stands and walks to his window, gazing at the moonlit Hippogriff.)

Ron voice over: Harry had his investor, and the revolutionaries had their show.  As the party raged on upstairs, I tried to write; but all I could think about was her.

In the Hippogriff…

(Hermione stands before her mirror, combing out her hair.  She is wearing yet another red robe, this one much less revealing, but still quite flattering.  She sings softly to herself as she finishes her brushing and moves towards the Hippogriff's balcony) 

Hermione: I follow the night, can't stand the light…

When will I begin to dream again?

One day I'll fly away – leave my past to yesterday

Why live life from grade to grade

And dread the day when term test ends?

(She strides up a set of stairs carved into the Hippogriff's 'wing', the music and her voice increasing in intensity as she reaches the top of the building.  She stands on one of the creature's broad shoulders, singing her tormented heart out, loud enough to startle the owls in the owlery.  Pig and Hedwig fly across the moon as if to illustrate Hermione's longing)

One day I'll fly away!

Leave my past to yesterday

Why live life from grade to grade and dread the day when term test ends? (hears a noise behind her and wheels about, squeaking in alarm) Oh!

Ron: (who had crept up the Hippogriff's tail while Hermione sang) Sorry!  Sorry, it's just-

Hermione: What are you doing here?

Ron: I couldn't sleep, and I saw your light on and I, erm- (quirks head towards the Hippogriff's rump) climbed up.

Hermione: Oh.  (sighs) Well, we've both got a busy day tomorrow, and we both need our rest, so you'd better get back to bed.  (Turns to go back downstairs)

Ron: (imploringly) No wait!  Please wait! (Hermione turns around again) Did you mean what you said, when we were, erm, when you thought I was the professor?  That… that you loved me? 

Hermione: (raising an eyebrow) Of course not.

Ron: Oh.  (looks heartbreakingly forlorn, awkward, and embarrassed) So… so it wasn't real?

Hermione: (sighing) Ron, I'm a courtesan.  I'm graded for making professors believe what they want.

Ron: (trying, and failing, to laugh it off) Silly of me, to think that you- that you could ever fall in love with someone like me.

Hermione: (quietly) I can't afford to fall in live with anyone.

Ron: (shocked) Can't fall in love?  But that's terrible!

Hermione: (irritably) No, being called a worthless mudblood, _that's_ terrible!

Ron: But… love is like winning Quiddich!  Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love! 

Hermione: Please, don't start that again-

Ron: (singing) All you need is love!

Hermione: A girl has got to pass!

Ron: All you need is love!

Hermione: I can't fail potions class!

Ron: All you need is lo-o-o-ove…

Hermione: (grumpily) Love is just a game.

Ron: (starts into everybody's favorite song with gusto; who knew he invented all of these famous love songs? :p) I was made for lovin' you, 'Mione, you were made for lovin' me!

Hermione: (sings archly) The only way of lovin' me, Weasly, is to pay a lovely fee!

Ron: (swings around a pillar to face Hermione) Just one night, give me just one night-

Hermione: (turning the other way) There's no way, 'cos you can't pay!

Ron: (swings around to face her again) In the name of love, one mage in the name of love!

Hermione: (smiling despite herself) You crazy fool, I won't give in to you! (turns to leave, but Ron's voice stops her)

Ron: Don't leave me this way, I can't survive without your sweet love, oh 'Mione… don't leave me this way

Hermione: (looking towards the moon) You'd think the students would have had enough of silly love songs…

Ron: (approaching her) I look around me and I see, it isn't so, oh no.

Hermione: Some wizards want to fill the world with silly love songs…

Ron: Well what's wrong with that, I'd like to know, 'cos here I go, yeeees! (leaps to the beaktip of the Hippogriff, arms spread like a bird, a massive Weasly grin pasted on his freckled face; he is thoroughly enjoying himself.  Hermione, on the other hand, shrieks with fear and reaches out to keep Ron from falling to his death) Love lifts us up where we belong!  Where seekers fly, like a Dragon, high!

Hermione: (pulls him back to the safety of the Hippogriff's shoulder) Love makes us act like we are fools!  Throw our lives away for one happy day-

Ron: We could be mages, just for one day!

Hermione: (stalking back down the Hippogriff's wing) You, you will be mean-

Ron: (following) No, I won't!

Hermione: (inside the Hippogriff) And I… (throws up hands) I'll fail all the time!

Ron: (peeking around the doorjamb) We should be lovers!

Hermione: (softly) We can't do that

Ron: We should be lovers, and that's a fact!

Hermione: (turning to face him with a slight smile) Though nothing would keep us together?

Ron: (approaching) We could still try, just for one term

Both: (harmonizing and gazing into each other's eyes) We could be mages, forever and ever, we could be mages-

Ron: Just because I – I will always love you-

Hermione: (cuts in and harmonizes) And I – I can't help loving… How wonderful life is, now you're-

Both: In the world!

(Fireworks explode in the background as the moon sings, and Ron and Hermione share a light, gentle kiss, a vast comparison to the kisses Hermione usually shares with men.)

Hermione: (chuckling softly) You're going to be bad for business, I can tell.

(The pair continues kissing as the camera pans upward, landing on our favorite Slytherin; Draco sits on a windowsill looking rather drunken, and it looks as if he's been crying.  His cheeks are damp with tears and his blue-gray eyes are red-rimmed and glassy.) 

Draco: (singing softly to no one in particular) How wonderful life is, now you're in the world…


	5. Are you Mad?

**Chapter 5: **Are you Mad?

**Rating: **PG

**Notes: **I just had to type this one over the weekend… for one thing, my sister was begging me for it, and for another, I had to combat the Star Wars deprivation _somehow_.  Anyway, here's chapter 5…

Ron Voiceover: How wonderful life was not that Hermione was in the world.  But in the professor, Harry had gotten more than he bargained for.

(Harry and Snape sit in Harry's small, dingy dorm in the Gryffindor Rouge.  The Professor is twitching slightly, his eyes wide with a sort of crazed look in them, and he holds a folded raincloak on his lap)

Snape: The conversion of the Gryffindor Rouge into a theater for graduation will cost a fantastically high GPA from all of you.  (strokes his cloak) Because of the effort on my part I shall require something extra; I shall require a contract that binds Hermione to me… exclusively.  Naturally, I shall require some security – I shall require the deeds to the Gryffindor House.

Harry: (stares at Snape, placing a protective hand on the deeds to his house) My dear Professor-

Snape: (cutting the wizard off) Don't think that I'm naïve, Potter!  I will have the deeds to the Gryffindor house, and if there are any shenanigans… my student, Crabbe, will deal with them in the only way you… _Gryffindors…_ understand.  (his eyes widen slightly, and the twitching and stoking become more obvious) It's not that I'm a jealous man… (screeches) _I just don't like other men touching my things!!_

Harry: (jumps back at Snape's screech, dodging bits of spittle from Snape's mouth – Harry is perfectly aware of the danger this man poses to his House and his future) I… understand completely, Professor.

Snape: (smiles, completely calm again) Then it would appear that you now have the means to turn your beloved Gryffindor Rouge into-

(scene cut to the future, where Harry stands in an empty Gryffindor Rouge addressing his Diamond cats, the Rouge workers, Revolutionaries, a few random Slytherins, and the Impoverished writer and Sparkling Diamond)

Harry: A theater!

(back in the present)

Snape: I shall woo Hermione over dinner tonight.  (exits)

(In the future, now the present… O.o)

Harry: We will have the first totally Hogwartisen, completely Gryffindorian, all singing, all dancing graduation day spectacular!  (suddenly a wrecking ball smashes through the tower wall, nearly decapitating Harry.  The audience gasps, but Harry stands up again, covered in a fine white powder but otherwise unharmed-) The show must go on!

Ron voiceover: Yes, the show would go on, but Hermione would not attend the supper with the Professor that night, nor the night after.

(Draco is in Ron's dorm, preparing a platter of delicious-looking Honeyduke's candies and food, though what the Slytherin is doing in a Gryffindor's dorm, I couldn't tell you.  Hermione – who doesn't have a good reason for being in a boy's dorm either – lounges comfortably on Ron's four-poster bed, watching the Ron storm about the room, speaking his newly-created script aloud.)

Ron: So the Hufflepuff, maddened by jealousy, goes to the courtesan- (jumps out of a closet with a sheet around his head) and, throwing a bag of galleons at her feet says, "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!"  He then flees the kingdom- (Again, the young wizard nearly kills himself by falling as he leaps towards the balcony.  Draco and Hermione both shriek in fear, and Hermione again pulls Ron back to safety.)

Hermione: (laughing) But a life without love, that's terrible!

Ron: (now without the sheet around his head) Ah, yes, but just then the magic wand shoots from the back of the room and says- (leans in over Hermione for a few nuzzling kisses and other adorably romantic fluffiness) The greatest thing you'll ever learn-

Draco: (rushes over with the food and tries to break up the fluffiness) Wait!  Wait, Ron, that's – that's my line!

(Several scenes of the rehearsal begin to flash by-)

(Ron and Hermione are kissing in a dressing room when Snape walks in with a picnic basket.  Luckily the entangled pair breaks off before Snape can see anything)

Snape: Shall we go for a picnic my sweet?

Hermione: (hastily) Oh, it's just that there are to many lines to learn and so much to do-

Snape: (shoves the basket at Ron) Well, if the young writer can carry a basket, I don't see why he can't come along!  You two can rehearse in my presence.

(later…)

Ron: (to Draco) So the magical wand flies into the room and says-

Draco: I know, I know, don't give it to me!  The greatest thing you'll ever… make?  Conjure?  Construct?  Find?

(Snape again walks in on Ron and Hermione kissing; this time Ron's face is smeared with pink lipstick)

Snape: Still at it, my sweet?

Ron Voiceover: For all the attempts the Professor made, it was almost too easy for the writer and the lead actress to find perfectly legitimate excuses to be alone together.

(While Harry drills a dance scene with the Gryffindor Rouge dancers, Ron has time to think up another excuse to allow Hermione to see him alone again.  He glances over at her, and she sees him and smiles back briefly.  He walks over to where she sits beside the Professor, watching the rehearsal.)

Ron: (poking his head between Hermione's and Snape's and speaking to his love) Um, pardon the interruption, but I was wondering if you could help me with the 'will the lovers be meeting in the Auror's humble abode' scene tonight?

Snape: (irritated) But, my dear, I've arranged a magnificent supper in the dungeons for tonight!

Ron: Well, it's not that important-

Hermione: (standing up as if insulted) Nonsense!  The 'the lovers _will be meeting in the Aurur's humble abode' scene is the most important one in the production!  We shall work on it tonight until I am completely satisfied._

Snape: But-

Hermione: (coldly) If you please, my dear Professor.  (walks off)

(Ron attempts to conceal a grin of triumph as he bows 'apologetically' and walks away from Snape.  Meanwhile, the rehersal is nearing its finish.)

Harry: (to the entire cast and crew) Right then, everyone!  I expect to see you bright and early for the next scene, 'the lovers are discovered'!  (The crew cheers and starts to file out of the room)

Ron: (to Snape) My apologies.  (Walks off in the direction of the backstage)

Harry: (approaches Snape) My dear professor!  Everything's arranged for that special supper in the dungeons tonight.

Snape: (seething) You might as well eat it yourself, Potter!  Her affections for me are waning!

Harry: What do you mean? (abssently looks over Snape's shoulder at a break in the wall, and he sees with horror exactly what Snape means.  Ron has caught up to Hermione and the two are kissing, aparently unaware that Harry can see them.)

Snape: I know how important her work is to her, but she's always at it with that damn writer!  If she doesn't come to dinner tonight, I'm very well leaving! (sees that Harry is peering over his shoulder, and he half-turns to see what the Gryffindor is looking at-)

Harry: (quickly, to distract Snape) I'll… insist that Hermione take the night off.

Snape: (nods tersely) All right, eight 'o clock then. (forces a quick, angry grimace of a smile, then exits)

(Harry takes one last look up at the catwalk where Ron has apparently realized that he and Hermione can be seen.  The pair breaks off their activities)

Ron: So, you'll come tonight?

Hermione: (giggling at Ron's lipstick-covered face) Yes!

Ron: (grins) Promise?

Hermione: Yes, yes!

Ron: What time?

Hermione: Eight 'o clock, now go!

(Ron nods, all smiles, and blows Hermione a kiss before he turns to go.  Hermione giggles again and turns to exit the opposite way, but before she can compose herself, she runs straight into Harry.)

Harry: (angrilly) Are you mad?  

Hermione: (feigning ignorance) Wha-

Harry: (cuts her off) The professor has given you a perfect exam score – he wants to make you a star! – and you're _dallying with the writer!_

Hermione: (startled into composure) It's… it's nothing, it's just an infatuation.  It's nothing…

Harry: (growls) The _infatuation will end.  Go to the boy – tell him it's over.  The professor will be expecting you in the dungeon at eight.  See to it that you are there.  (stalks off)_

Hermione Voice over: (sings softly) If I should die this very moment, 've never known completeness… it all ends today, yes it all ends today…

(Hermione looks out across the darkened Gryffindor Rouge, a tear glittering in her eye.  Suddenly she gasps, clutching at her chest, and her eyes roll back in her head-)

Ron voice over: How was I to know that in those last, desperate days, that a force stronger than love and darker than jealousy had taken its grip on Hermione?

(Hermione lies in a darkned back room of the Gryffindor Rouge, rumpled bedsheets pulled up underneath her chin.  Her lips and face are unnaturally pale, and sweat beads on her forehead.  Madame Pomfrey is taking a blood sample while McGonagal hovers around the room.)

McGonagal: Will she be up for tonight?

Pomfrey: (shakes her head) Tomorrow morning at the earliest.

(Down in the dungeons, things aren't going much better.  Snape paces the room like an angry tiger while Harry watches nervously.  Time passes, and when Hermione fails to arrive, Snape makes for the door.  Harry, panicked at the thought of losing his Gryffindor Rouge, shouts and stops Snape)

Harry: She's… studying!

Snape: (wheels about) Studying??  What sort of imbicile do you take me for, Potter?? 

Harry: (sincerely) She had a sudden desire to read all about potions to please you.

Snape: (sneering) What?

Harry: She looks upon tonight as her wedding night!  

Snape: Her _wedding night??_

Harry: She says you make her feel… (lowers his voice confidentially) like a first-year.

Snape: A… first year?

Harry: You know… casting for the very first time.  She says you make her feel so good inside, when you hold her, and you touch her…

Snape: (pondering) Like a first-year…

Harry: (takes Snape by the arm and starts walking about the Dungeons with him.  The House-elves are cleaning the place up, casting disturbed looks to one-another) She's made it through the 6th year, she's made it through!  she didn't know how lost she was, until she found you…

(sings) She was beat, incomplete

She'd been had, she was sad and blue…

But you made her feel, yes you ma-a-a-ade her feel, shiny and new…

(The musinc starts up from an invisible orchestra, and the House-elves – most likely thinking 'when in Rome' – start dancing about)

Like a first-year!  Casting for the very first time!

Like a first year, when your wands spark both in time!

(Harry plops himself into a chair and the house-elves, who are really getting into the spirit of things, wrap a big white tablecloth around his head.  He makes flirty faces and kissing noises at Snape, who looks thoroughly horrified)

Gonna give you all her love!  Her fear is fading fast!

She's been saving it all for you – she's found love at last!

(He boltsout of the chair and drags Snape through a bridge of House-elves)

She's so fine, and she's thine

She'll be yours, until the end of time,

'Cos you made her feel, yes you ma-a-ade her feel she has nothing to hide!

Like a first-year!

House-elves: Like a first-year!

Harry: Casting for the very first time!

When you hold her, and you touch her, when your wands spark both in time!

(Harry swoons into Snape's arms, and Snape nearly jumps out of his skin.  He tries to run – unsucessfully.)

Like a first-year!  

House-Elves: Like a first year!

Harry: Feels so good inside!  When you hold her, and you touch her, when you hold her, and you touch her…

(Snape manages to escape Harry and the House-Elves, who promptly proceed to chase him around the dungeons.  The elves to catch the professor, and tackle him around the legs, tripping him onto a big, wheeled bed.  Harry sits on the endge of the bed, which the house-elves begin to wheel in circles, and Snape crawls to the head of the bed, a terrified look on his face.  Harry makes more kissy faces and bats his eyelashes at Snape.

            In the Gryffindor Rouge, we see Ron gazing out of his tower dormitory forlornly.  Below, in the Rouge, Hermione sits in front of her mirror, looking sick and sorrowful.  Madame Pomfrey is muttering gravely to McGonagal.  Then, once more we return to Snape's dungeons, and Snape has finally decided to join in.  He stands from the bed and struts down a short flight of stairs, followed by the humming House-elves.)

Snape: She's so fine, and she's mine

She makes me strong, yes she makes me bold,

Oh her love thawed out, yes her lo-o-ove thawed out what was scared and cold!

Harry: (dancing) Like a first-year!

Snape: Casting for the very first time!

Harry: Like a first-year!

Snape: When our wands spark both in time!

Harry: Likr a first-year!

Snape: Feels so good inside, when you hold her, and you touch her, and you hold her, and you touch her…

Both: Like a Fiiiiiirst-year!

House-Elves: Love, love, love, love!  Love, love, love, love!

Harry and Snape: First-year! (pose underneath a spray of champeign, cheeks pressed together)

To Julephenia: Alas, I haven't seen Episode II yet… and I won't until June.  However, I already know I'd choose Ewan over Hayden :D

To Elanor: Why, thank you!  I've never been nominated for anything before…


	6. Track 11: Gotta love it

**Chapter 6: Track 11: gotta love it**

**Rated: PG**

**Notes: Sorry this chapter's so late… I lost my beloved writing notebook, which had this entire fanfiction written out by hand in it, so I had to type this chapter from memory.  I hope it's still as enjoyable as the other one!  Anyway, don't expect a new chapter until June 8th… I have final exams next week, so I can't really type anything.**

(The next morning, it is apparent that Snape hasn't yet left.  All is not well, however.  Hermione is again asleep, still deathly pale, when Harry enters the room, all concerns.)

Pomfrey: (grimly) Hermione is dying, Harry.

Harry: (shocked) My little Griffling is dying?

Pomfrey: (nods slowly) She has consumption.

Harry: (quietly) She mustn't know, McGonagal.  The show _must go on._

Later, in Ron's dorm…

(A bathrobe-clothed, bedraggled Hermione sits despondently on Ron's four-poster, looking out the window, while Ron sits at his desk, quill in hand.  The wizard seems to have writer's block again.)

Ron voice Over: All night the penniless Auror had waited, and now, for the first time, he felt the cold, cruel stab of jealousy.

Ron: (quietly) Where were you last night?

Hermione: (sighs) I told you, I was sick…

Ron: (moving over to the bed and sitting beside Hermione) You don't have to lie to me.

Hermione: (stands up and moves to the window) We have to end it…

Ron: What?

Hermione: (softly) They all know, Ron.  _Harry knows, and sooner or later, Snape will find out… (pauses to gather her words) On graduation night I have to sleep with the Professor, and the jealousy will drive you mad…_

Ron: No! (moves over to Hermione and wraps his arms around her) Then I'll write a song, and we'll put it in the show! (desperately) And whenever you sing it or-or hear it, no matter what happens or how bad things are, you'll remember our love.  (kisses her forehead) I promise I won't get jealous.

Hermione: The world doesn't work like that, Ron.  We _have to end it… (walks away slowly, her head bowed and her arms folded protectively across her chest.  Ron's pained gaze follows her hopelessly as she exits to the balcony)_

Ron: (sings softly) Never knew I could feel like this…

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss,

Every day I love you more and more.

(scene change to the rehearsal, where Ron is going over a new scene)

Ron: Right then.  This new scene is the one in which the auror composes a secret melody for the courtesan, so that no matter how bad things get, they'll remember their love.  Can we take it from your line, Hermione?  (sits down in his 'writer's chair', his eyes on Hermione's face)

Hermione: (takes her position onstage with Lupin, their hands clasped) We must be careful!

Lupin: Fear not!  We shall conduct our love affair right under the Death Eater's nose!

Ron: (sings) Semesters may change, winter to spring-

Lupin: (turns into a Werewolf again and is knocked out – right off the stage)

Harry: Honestly, Moony, this is impossible!

Ron: (grins) But I love you until the end of time

Come what may,

Come what may,

I will love you until my dying day!

(scene change to a dream sequence, where Ron and Hermione are going for a picnic at the Lake.  Snape is hopping around looking very much like a mentally challenged squirrel)

Hermione: (singing) Suddenly Hogwarts seems such a perfect place-

Snape: Oh look, a little frog!  (bounces off)

Hermione: Suddenly moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste-

It all revolves around you.

Ron and Hermione: And there's no turret to high, no forest to wide,

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side!

Storm clouds may gather and storms may collide-

Ron: but I love you-

Hermione: I love you-

Both: Until the end of time.

Back in the Gryffindor Rouge…

Millicent: (standing next to Snape) This ending's stupid. Why would the courtesan choose the penniless Gryffindor?  (sarcastically) Oops, I mean _auror!_

(Snape suddenly realizes what's been going on behind his back, and glares with rage at Ron)

All: Come what may!

Come what may!

I will love you until my dying day!

Snape: (standing and twitching) I don't like this ending.

Harry: (walking forward) Don't… like the ending?

Snape: Why would the courtesan choose a penniless auror over the powerful Death Eater? (waves his hand for emphasis) Once the… auror…. Has satisfied his lust, he will leave the courtesan with nothing.  The Death Eater is offering a lifetime of security – that's _real_ love.

Draco: Sorry! (walks down from the back of the stage) Sorry, but that does not uphold the Hogwartsien ideals of truth, beauty, freedom and lo-

Snape: (snarling) Shut up, you stupid little Slytherin!  I don't care about your idiotic dogma!  Why shouldn't the courtesan choose the Death Eater?

Ron: (standing and shouting) Because she _doesn't love you!_ (everyone turns to stare at the young wizard, whose Weasly mouth has again gotten him into trouble.  He realizes his error and tries to correct it) Him – she doesn't life him.

Snape: (sneering) I see.  The ending will be changed with the courtesan choosing the Death Eater and _without_ the lover's secret song.  It will be rehearsed and ready for opening night tomorrow.

Harry: (thunderstruck) But my dear Professor-

Hermione: (interrupting) Harry! (begins to descend from the stairs, gazing seductively at the angry professor) Poor Professor Snape is being treated appallingly!  These silly writers let their imaginations run wild.  (leans down in Snape's face) Now, why don't we have a little supper, and afterwards we can let Harry know how we'd prefer the ending, hmm?

Snape: Very well.

(A short time later, Hermione is heading for her dressing room to touch up her makeup.  Ron catches up with her, ruining any chance for her to compose herself within the next twenty minutes)

Ron: (quietly) I don't want you to sleep with him.

Hermione: He could destroy everything… (moves in close to Ron and whispers in his ear) It's for us.  You promised you wouldn't get jealous… (moves to leave, but Ron clings to her like a frightened child) I've got to go – he's waiting.

Ron: (in a small, desperate voice) No, no, please…

Hermione: (moves in even closer, her arms around Ron's drooping shoulders.  She nuzzles his cheek and sings very softly into his ear) Come what may…

Ron: (in a choked, tearful voice) Come what may.

(Hermione tries to leave again, and this time Ron doesn't move to stop her.  Instead, the crushed 7th-year stands alone in the corridor, looking utterly helpless)


	7. Morgain!

Title: Morgain!  
  
Rating: PG-13 for violence  
  
Notes: Well, this wasn't supposed to be out for a while… but let's just say I was inspired. (No, not that way O.o) So please, enjoy, and I'm sorry it's so short. I only follow the best places to cut chapters off, I didn't actually write them in ^^; (Boy, that made no sense…)  
  
I'd also like to point out, before we proceed any further, that I sorta deviate a bit more from the lines right about now… just to give it a more… uh… original feel. It's not noticeable unless you're a rabid fan who's got everything memorized… but I think it makes the whole fic more… Potteresque, if you will.  
  
On a side note, if you like Star Wars you should go read my talkshow. Oh, the shameless advertising! I'm such a bad writer!  
  
  
  
Ron Voiceover: Hermione had gome to the tower to save us all. And for our part, all we could do was wait.  
  
(The Gryffindor Rouge is quite a somber place at the moment. The cast and crew lounges about idly, some catching a few fitful moments of sleep, some looking dazedly out of the windows, some staring at their feet. Draco is getting himself drunk again, probably to drown out the abject terror of having his Bohemian masterpiece mauled by the Duke. Ron is sitting in the shadows dejectedly, ignoring everyone. Lupin looks very impatient and irritated with the world.  
  
Meanwhile, in the Dungeons…)  
  
Hermione: (seductively to Snape) I hope I have not kept you waiting, my dear Professor.  
  
Snape: (Smiling greasily… ick) Not at all.  
  
(Back at the Gryffindor Rouge, Millicent is looking for trouble. She throws herself onto Ron's lap, leering at him unpleasantly)  
  
Millicent: Don't worry, sweet'eart, you'll get you're endin'! As soon as the professor gets his end… in'.  
  
(Ron savagely pushes her away, growling and balling up his fists as if to attack her. Lupin jumps in between them, glaring at the 7th-year and soothing a rather ruffled Millicent)  
  
Lupin: (to Ron) Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself, boy. It always turns out BAD! (this elicits a few uneasy chuckles and some nervous shifting around from the gathered wizards. Lupin checks on Millicent once more before starting down the stairs, speaking to his 'audience'. Someone turns a spotlight on him) We have a dance in the brothels of my home city. It tells the story of a courtesan, and the wizard who falls in love with her. (another spotlight goes up on Millicent, who giggles and decends the stairs to a few appreciative whistles and catcalls. Ron just glares) First, there is desire… (dances across to Millicent) Then, passion! (Another wizard dances in out of the shadows, and Millicent looks to him) Then suspicion, anger, jealousy! When there is no trust, there can be no love! (taps his foot hard on the wood floor, jolting everyone up out of a stupor. He then begins the tango, singing gruffly)  
  
Morgain!  
  
You don't have to wear that dress of white  
  
Morgain!  
  
You don't have to sell your body to the night!  
  
(Ron, it seems can't take any more of this madness. He stands and walks towards the exit, passing by the dancing wizards)  
  
Ron: (Singing) His eyes upon your face  
  
His hand upon your hand  
  
His lips caress your skin…  
  
It's more than I can stand!  
  
Why does my heart cry?  
  
Feelings I can't fight!  
  
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me  
  
And please, believe me when I say I love you!  
  
(Back at the tower…)  
  
Snape: (to Hermione) When this year is over, you will no longer be called a mudblood… You will be a real witch, renown throughout the world… (he hands her a final exam with '110%' scrawled across the top in bright red ink)  
  
Hermione: (gasps)  
  
Snape: Think of it as a gift from the Death-Eater to his courtesan.  
  
Hermione: (softly) And the ending?  
  
Snape: (derisively) Let them keep their fairy-tale ending.  
  
(The two walk up a large spiral staircase to a balcony in the dungeon tower. Ron stands below, looking up with mixed hatred and longing. Hermione spots him and sings softly-)  
  
Hermione: Come what may… I will love you, until my dying day…  
  
Snape: (curiously looks out and sees Ron below. The Gryffindor tries, to late, to hide his face in the collar of his robe) So, I see. It's true then. You do love him-  
  
Hermione: My dear professor-  
  
Snape: (hissing) Silence! You lied to me! You made me believe you loved me!  
  
Hermione: No-  
  
(Snape snarls and slaps Hermione across the face, and she lets out a little yelp and runs away from him, to the other side of the table. She desperately tries to pull her wand out on him, but he disarms her and chases, scattering silverware and glasses everywhere. He eventually catches her, and she struggles mightily against him, but Snape is taller and stronger than she is, and armed with a wand. With it pointed at her throat, there is little she can do to resist.  
  
Meanwhile, Ron is walking back to the Gryffindor Rouge. While he sings, strains of 'Morgain' can be heard in the background)  
  
Lupin: Morgain!  
  
Ron: Why does my heart cry?  
  
Lupin: Morgain!  
  
Ron: Feelings I can't fight-  
  
Why does my heart cry?  
  
Lupin: Morgain!  
  
Ron: Feelings I can't fight!  
  
Lupin: Morgain!  
  
(The dance has reached its concluding point now, and the wizards are tangoing around wildly. No one notices the full moon hanging outside, though, until too late – Lupin transforms into a werewolf and snaps out at a nearby wizard. Another pulls his wand on Lupin and knocks him out just as the razor fangs shred inches from the other's face. The werewolf falls to the floor just as Hagrid – who had gone to check on Hermione – opens the dungeon door. He sees the impending doom and lashes out instinctively, sending his fist slamming into Snape's head.) 


	8. Hurt Him to Save Him

Author Notes: Erm, lightning bug. it's a parody. Parodies generally change the lyrics of songs ^^ I'm a huge fan of all the NR songs, but for the sake of the parody, they had to be changed. Aaa!! Three months 'till Chamber of Secrets!! I can't wait!! But. book 5 won't be out 'till next winter! (sob) And, has anyone else heard rumors about Ewan being in film 3? I've heard he's supposed to play Sirius Black. which would be cool ^^ Depressed Christian in the beginning of MR totally reminded me of Black. but then, I've recently heard he's rumored to play Lupin. so which is it? Either way, as long as he's in the movie, I'll be happy. Wee! And as a last note, sorry this took so long!! Ff.net went down for so long that I sorta lost my momentum with the fic. but Amanda's review made me realize it had to be finished! So here it is. chapter 8!  
  
(Ron still looks deeply despondent as he stares out the window of his dorm room, wondering about Hermione. The aforementioned Gryffindor suddenly bursts into the dorm, sobbing, and throws herself into Ron's arms. Hagrid stands at the doorway, looking on with a guarded expression.)  
  
Hermione: (breathlessly, crying) I couldn't! I couldn't go through with it, Ron! I saw you there and I felt terribly, and I couldn't pretend! (choking sob) And the Professor! He saw! And he. (voice breaks as she clutches closer to Ron) I love you, Ron.  
  
Ron: (gently strokes her hair and murmurs softly to her) It's ok.  
  
Hermione: (continues crying) And I couldn't do it, I couldn't pretend anymore. I don't want to lie, I don't want. (breaks down again) He knows!  
  
Ron: (Soothingly) It's all right, you don't have to pretend anymore. We'll leave. We'll leave tonight.  
  
Hermione: (taken aback) Leave? But. the show.  
  
Ron: (softly) I don't care about the show. We have each other, and that's all that matters.  
  
Hermione: (smiles) Yes. as long as we have each other.  
  
(Ron and Hermione kiss tenderly, quite oblivious to Hagrid looking on)  
  
Ron: (to Hagrid) Hagrid, take Hermione to her dorm and help her get the things she needs. No one must see you.  
  
Hagrid: I'll try my best, Ron.  
  
Ron: (nods, then wraps his robe around Hermione) Darling, you go and pack. I'll be waiting. (kisses her forehead)  
  
(Meanwhile, in the Dungeons, Snape has been revived. He is in a very angry mood, and is trembling with rage as the House Elves tend to his bruises)  
  
Snape: It's Weasly. he has bewitched her with some sort of spell! (hisses in pain as one of the elves dabs at a particularly sore spot) I want her back, Potter. Find her. Tell her that this show will end my way. or I'll have Weasly expelled.  
  
Harry: (gasps) Expelled??  
  
Goyle: (looms out of the shadows, his fists clenched menacingly)  
  
Snape: (smiles viciously) .expelled.  
  
(Back in Hermione's dorm, the witch is packing a bag with a hint of desperation. Her hands are shaking as she scoops things off her desk.)  
  
Harry: Forgive the intrusion, Kneazle.  
  
Hermione: (whirls around, surprised and afraid, but calms a bit when she sees it's Harry) You're wasting your time, Harry.  
  
Harry: You don't understand, Hermione. The Professor is going to expel Ron.  
  
Hermione: (eyes widen) No-  
  
Harry: The Professor is insanely jealous. Unless you do his ending and sleep with him tomorrow night, he'll have the Ron expelled.  
  
Hermione: (bites her lip, then composes herself) He can't scare us.  
  
Harry: He's a powerful man, and what with Dumbledor being away, you know he can do it.  
  
(Hermione throws her bag to the side and angrily crosses the room)  
  
Harry: What are you doing?  
  
Hermione: (furiously) I don't need you anymore! All my life I was made to believe that I was only worth my grades! (wraps Ron's robe around her more tightly, as if to ward off what Harry told her) But Ron loves me. He loves me, Harry. He loves me! And that is worth everything. We're going away from you, away from the Professor, away from Hogwarts! (straightens up suddenly) Goodbye, Harry. (turns to brush past Harry and through the door)  
  
Harry: You're dying, Hermione.  
  
Hermione: (stops abruptly) Another trick, Harry?  
  
Harry: No. The doctor told us.  
  
Hermione: (turns to look at McGonagal) Professor?  
  
McGonagal: (nods slowly)  
  
Hermione: (leans against the door frame for support and mutters softly) I'm dying. (sings softly) I was a fool to believe. A fool to believe It all ends today Yes it all ends today.  
  
Harry: (quietly) Send Ron away. Only you can save him-  
  
Hermione: He'll fight for me.  
  
Harry: Yes. unless he believes you don't love him.  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Harry: You're a great actress, Hermione - make him believe you don't love him.  
  
Hermione: (defiantly) No!  
  
Harry: Use your talent to save him. Hurt him, Hermione. Hurt him to save him! There is no other way. The show must go on. We are creatures of the underworld, Hermione. We cannot afford to love.  
  
Hermione: (singing softly) Today's the day.  
  
Hermione and Harry: (singing) When dreaming ends.  
  
(Hermione walks over to her dressing table and leans heavily on it, seemingly too shocked and in too much emotional pain even to cry. Harry exites the room and begins walking through the backstage, speaking slowly and rhythmically)  
  
Harry: Another hero, another mindless crime Behind the curtain, in the pantomime. On and on, does anybody know what we are living for (Gryffindor costumers join in singing with Harry as he walks by them)Whatever happens, we leave it all to chance Another heartache, another failed romance On and on, does anybody know what we are living for. The show must go on! The show must go on! (Emerges to one of the stage wings and stares out at the rising sun) Outside the dawn is breaking on the stage that holds our final destiny! The show must go on! The show must go on!  
  
Hermione: (finishing up her makeup and singing heartbrokenly) Inside my heart is breaking. My makeup may be flaking. (forces a small, sad smile) But my smile. still stays on.  
  
Harry: The show must go on! The show must go on!  
  
Hermione: (emerges onto the stage and into the golden light of the sunrise, her pale face illuminated to show every detail of her inner suffering) I'll top the bill! I'll earn the kill! I have to find the will to carry on.  
  
Hermione and Harry: On with the On with the On with the show!  
  
Hermione: (Walks outside into the street as Harry roars 'The show must go on' behind her) The show. must go on! 


	9. Finale

Jennifer Fennessy Normal Jennifer Fennessy 5 61 2002-10-10T14:53:00Z 2002-10-11T18:12:00Z 11 2174 12397 FSHA 103 24 15224 9.3821   


Notes: Phew! This one took me a long time to write... mainly because all of my text files were deleted from my computer . so I had to re-write this whole darned chapter. One of the inspirations for re-writing it was a new project I recently thought up... the Lightsabre Rouge ^^ It's Star Wars, naturally, but as for the rest of the surprises lurking in it... well, you'll just have to wait and see. Also, I apologize for the dreadful rendition of 'Hindi Sad Diamonds', but it's fairly impossible to re-do.

Also, there were a TON of errors in the first draft, so I cleaned those up ^^ Look for a cast party chapter soon!

  


Before this fic beings its conclusion, I'd like ta say thanks to some of my reviewers, and apologize for taking so dang long to finish this. Thanks to roxanne, my first reviewer. Thanks to Adnap Nottap and Celeb Ryu, my two best real-life friends (especially Adnap, who read this even though she hadn't seen the movie. Now she's a total Moulin Rougiac just like me! Wee!) Thanks to Saturn T. Riddle, my Obi-loving friend. And finally, BIG thanks to Sweet Innocense, who was my most recent reviewer and a big motivation for my finishing this. To ALL reviewers, THANK YOU!! Without you, this fic wouldn't be here! Heck, I wouldn't be here! You guys are the GREATEST!

  


And now, without any ado whatsoever, here it is, the moment you've been waiting for... The Gryffindor Rouge: Finale!

  
  


(Ron paces his room as he waits for his love to return, his possessions all packed and ready to go. A pair of brooms stand in one corner)

  
  


Hermione: (enters the room slowly, her face neutral and guarded) 

  
  


Ron: (senses something is not right) What's wrong?

  
  


Hermione: I'm staying with the professor. 

  
  


Ron: (blankly) What?

  
  


Hermione: After I left you he came to see me - he offered me everything, everything I've ever dreamed of. He had one condition, though: that I must never see you again.

  
  


Ron: What are you saying? What about last night, what we said-

  
  


Hermione: (cuts him off) I didn't expect you to understand. The difference between you and I is that you can leave anytime you want, but this is my home; the Gryffindor Rouge is my home.

  
  


Ron: (shocked) No, this can't be true, there's something else - this can't be real! There's something the matter, tell me what's wrong! Tell me the truth!

  


Hermione: (stiffly, concealing her sorrow) The truth? (Gathers up her last reserves of strength) The truth is, I am the London courtesan, and I choose the Death eater. That's how the story really ends. (Swiftly turns and walks out before Ron's broken protests stop her)

  
  


Harry Voiceover: The jealousy has driven him mad!

  


(Ron chases after Hermione and stands outside the Gryffindor tower, howling up to her lit window, oblivious to the heavy raindrops pounding his skin)

  
  


Ron: Hermione! Hermione!! HERMIONE!!

  
  


(A pair of Slytherin thugs round the tower and grab Ron's arms, dragging him off. They savagely punch his face, stunning him, and drop him into a muddy, water-filled ditch. Ron looks up at the tower briefly, then slowly collapses into the mud, unable to rise.

A short while later his revolutionary friends find him and take him back to his dormitory. If not for them, he might have died. They peel the mud-encrusted robe from his soaking form and cloth him in a fresh, dry robe, and fix him hot soup. Throughout all of this Ron remains silent and unmoving, and his eyes have a dead look in them. Eventually all the revolutionaries but Draco leave)

  
  


Draco: Things aren't always the way they seem, Ron.

  


Ron: (bitterly) Things are exactly as they seem.

  


Draco: (sighs) Ron, you may see me only as the spoilt, rotten brat of a child with Death Eaters for friends and thugs for allies, but I know about art and love, if only because I yearn for them with every fiber of my being. She loves you, Ron - I can feel it!

  
  


Ron: (quietly) Go away, Malfoy.

  
  


(Draco crosses his arms and remains where he is, fixing Ron with an intense gaze)

  
  


Ron: (fiercely) Go away. GO AWAY!!

  
  


(Draco, hurt, leaves, but not before giving a backwards glance to Ron's stony form.)

  
  


Ron Voiceover: I wanted to shut out what Draco had said; but he had filled me with doubt. There was only one way to be sure... (We see Ron pawn his beloved owl Pig to some Slytherins in return for a Slytherin robe and a few galleons) And so I returned to the Gryffindor Rouge one last time.

  
  


(At the Gryffindor graduation, the grad play is in full swing. A heavily made-up Harry is onstage among the dancing Gryffindors in their wild costumes)

  
  


Harry: (loudly) She is mine!

  
  


Draco: (wearing his magic wand costume, descends a set of gothic stairs built into the stage chanting) I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth

I only speak the truth!

  
  


(Milicent sings a gothic, medieval chant as Hermione suddenly appears, and the crowd goes wild)

  
  


Hermione: (beings to sing, but suddenly coughs hard and nearly falls over. Harry looks on, concerned, but Hermione regains her breath) Kiss... hand... aces best friend...

Kiss... grand... top marks best friend

Friends.... cold... grades old

And it's all worth the time in the end...

Ohh... ohh... ohh... ohh!

Top marks are a

Top marks are a

Top marks are a

Top marks are a

Top marks are a

Top marks are a

Top marks are a

Top marks are a...

Girl's... best... friend...

  
  


Harry: (spoken) She is mine.

  
  


Snape: (From the audience, grinning maliciously) She is mine.

  
  


(The curtain closes to wind applause, which effectively cover up the thunking noises Ron makes as he creeps through the walls to the backstage area. Meanwhile Hermione is in the throes of another coughing fit, and is being tended by a very worried McGonagal. Up along one of the many catwalks Draco and Lupin walk to their places, and Draco rambles on endlessly about Ron and Hermione's troubles)

  


Draco: I know she still loves him... there's got to be a reason...

  
  


Lupin: Maybe it's because one of them is a professor, and the other- (turns into a werewolf and topples off the catwalk, whacking his head against a jutting block of wood and going unconscious. The unlucky werewolf lands right in front of Ron, who gets the bright idea to don his clothes)

  
  


(A bit further away, in the wings, Crabbe has sought Harry out)

  
  


Crabbe: (menacingly) Weasley is here.

  
  


Harry: (worried) I told Hermione that if Ron came back here, he would be expelled!

  


Crabbe: (grins viciously) He very soon will be. (Cracks his knuckles)

  
  


(Up above, Draco has overheard the exchange below)

  
  


Draco: Killed... that's it, that's it! That's why she's pushing him away - to save him! I've got to warn him! Ron!! Ah! (The platform Draco is standing on suddenly rises shakily into the air) Dear god, this thing is unstable!!

  
  


(Back in Hermione's dressing room, Ron appears. Hermione spots him in her mirror and whirls around, startled and fearful)

  
  


Hermione: What are you doing here?

  
  


Ron: (angrily) I've come to pay my bill.

  
  


Hermione: You shouldn't be here! Just leave! (Forces her way past him)

  
  


(Ron chases her out behind the set, the bag of galleons clenched in his shaking fist.)

  
  


Hermione: Please...

  


(Onstage, the curtains have opened)

  
  


McGonagal: She's got to get onstage!

  


Harry: (on stage) Jealousy has driven the auror into hiding!

  


Ron: You did your job so very, very well (snarls) why shouldn't I pay you like everyone else?

  


Hermione: Ron, its nothing, just leave-

  


Harry: (on stage) But I have found them!

  


Hermione: (sees Crabbe lurking) (whimpers) Go! Please go-

Ron: But if it wasnt real-

  


Hermione: Go…

  


Ron: Why can't I pay you?

  


Draco: Ron! Ron!!

  


Harry: (on stage) Open the door!

Ron: (on the verge of hysteria) Let me pay! Let me pay!

Harry: (on stage) Open the door!

  


Ron: Tell me it wasn't real! Tell me you don't love me!

  
  
  


Harry: (whispers to a stagehand) Open the doors!

  


Ron: (desperately) Tell me you don't love me! Tell me you don't love me!

  


(The doors suddenly fly open, exposing Ron and Hermione to a very confused crowd of teachers and students. The young Weasley is obviously not Lupin.)

Harry: (desperately trying to save the situation) Haha! I am not fooled! Though he has dyed of his hair and adopted a disguise, my eyes do not lie! For this is the same penniless auror!

(The audience nods and smiles, feeling clever)

  


Harry: Driven mad by jealousy! 

  


(The audience gives a concerted aww…)

  


Ron: (appears to help Hermione down the stairs, but once they reach the stage, he drops her carelessly. Ron glares fiercely at Snape as he speaks) This woman is yours now. (Hurls the bag of galleons at the floor near where Hermione lays, crying. Ron's next words are savagely angry) I've pair my whore! I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me. Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love! (He stalks off the stage, his face contorted with sorrow and rage. As he passes Snape's seat a look of pure venom flits across his features. Snape merely smirks.)

  


(Up in the rafters, Draco is having his own problems)

Draco: I've forgotten my lines!

Harry: (still trying to keep in character) This auror doesn't love you! See, he flees the kingdom! (kneels down beside Hermione and whispers to her) Griffling, its for the best. (To the audience) And now, my bride, its time for you to raise your voice to the heavens and sing your wedding vows!

(Hermione shakes her head and cries weakly on the floor, much to the distress of the audience and Harry. Up in the rafters, Draco is blessed with divine intervention and remembers his line)

  


Draco: I've got it! I've- Ron! Stop!! Aack! (the beam he's standing on suddenly snaps and he's left dangling several meters above the stage. The shock jolts his line out of him, and he bellows it so loudly he scares a bunch of owls sitting outside away) The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love!! (gasp) and be loved in return!!

(Everything in the building seems to stop. Somewhere in the complete silence, Hermione realizes that Draco's words are, for once, true, and she knows she loves Ron, and that's all she needs. She slowly rises, finds her voice, and begins to sing softly, gaining strength every moment)

Hermione: Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I'm loving you more and more.

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?

Some back to me and forgive everything! (she gasps and stumbles, and the audience mutters worriedly. However, she soon regains her footing and continues)

Seasons may change, winter to spring

(whispers) I love you

Until the end of time.

  


(At the back of the room Ron listens, trying to block out the words, but he can't. Her song stirs deep emotions in him and he turns, a smile lighting up his face. As he joins her in singing, the entire audience turns around in surprise)

  


Ron: Come what may.

Come what may

Come what may

Come what may!

I will love you!

  


(Snape looks like he's having epileptic seizures with the way his face is contorting in rage)

  


Hermione: I will love you!

  


Ron: Until my dying day!

  


Both: Oh, come what may!

  


Ron: Come what may!

  


Hermione: Come what may…

  


(No one notices Crabbe lurking but the very perturbed Malfoy)

  


Both: I will love you until my dying day…

  


(Crabbe aims his wand at Ron)

  


Draco: RON! Aaaa!! (swings from a conveniently located rope straight into Crabbe. The thug's wand goes skidding across the stage) He's got a wand! He's trying to CURSE you!! (the audience laughs)

  


Harry: Shut up!

  
  
  


Draco: I'm serious! Look, he's got a gun!

  


Black: (runs out onstage) Vive le vie la Order of the Phoenix! (turns into a dog and starts running all over the place)

  
  
  


(Amid the chaos that ensues, Lupin awakes and bursts through the doors)

  


Lupin: No problem! Go back to work!

  


Draco: (singing) No matter what you say!

  


Cast: You shouldn't stand in our way. You've got to stand your ground! For Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love! Children of the Revolution...

(While all of this is going on, Crabbe is fumbling wildly for his wand. Throughout the song he is kicked, stepped on, shoved, knocked over the head with a sandbag, and hit with a falling flowerpot. The wand eventually skids further across the stage and flies off onto the floor)

  


Hermione: One day I'll fly away!

  


Ron: My gift is my song…

  


(In the background the cast repeatedly sings 'No you wont fool the children of the Revolution')

  


Hermione: I'll fly away!

  


Ron: My gift is my song!

Cast: Come what may!

  


Hermione and Ron: I will love you!

  


Cast: Come what may!

  


Hermione and Ron: Yes I will love you!

Cast: Come what may!

  


Hermione and Ron: I will love you!

  


(Snape, who moments before was stalking out in rage, notices the wand lying on the floor. In a fit of insanity he grabs it, aims it at Ron, and runs up towards the stage, screaming)

  


Snape: My way!! MY WAY!!

  


Cast: Until my dying day!

Snape: MY WAY!!  


(Just as Snape is about to curse Ron into a toad, Harry punches the enraged professor so hard he succeeds in knocking him out)

  


Harry: Yes!

  


(The wand goes flying out a window and into the whomping willow. Needless to say, the wand isn't going to be useful to anyone anytime soon, except maybe as a toothpick.)

  


(The audience goes wild as the cast takes a bow, and the curtain falls. Backstage everyone cheers wildly for the success of the show and the defeat of Snape. However, not everything is going as well as the show did.)

  


Moody: Stand by for curtain call!

  


(As Ron and Hermione walk to their places hand in hand, Hermione has another attack, this one is quite severe. Wracking coughs cause her to stop and collapse, and Ron kneels beside her with extreme worry.)

  


Ron: Hermione! Hermione, what's the matter? (she coughs in response) Hermione, what's wrong? What's… (he notices spots of blood decorating the sleeve of his robe from where he was holding her, and a thin trickle of blood slides from the corner of her mouth like a tear.) Oh god… SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP! 

  


Harry: (to a stagehand) Go fetch Madam Pomfrey!

  


Hermione: (wheezing) Ron, I'm sorry, I- (coughs) I'm dying…

  


Ron: (desperately) Shh, its all right-

  


Hermione: I'm sorry…

  


Ron: Its all right, everything's going to be all right… (as if reassuring himself and attempting to block out what she's said) Its all right…

  


Hermione: (gasping) I'm cold… I… Ron, hold me… (He does so, cradling her gently and smoothing the hair from her pale forehead) Ron, you've got to go on.

  


Ron: I can't go on without you

  


Hermione: You've got so much to give… tell our story, Ron.

  


Ron: (whimpers) No

  


Hermione: Yes, promise me, promise me…

  


Ron: (softly) Yes.

  


Hermione: I will… I'll always be with you …

  


(Ron rocks Hermione gently as she slowly goes limp in his arms. He bends over her, sobs shaking his frame as he gives her one last kiss. He closes her sightless eyes, tears falling upon her pale, still-warm skin. He then throws back his head and utters a terrible animal howl of grief, a keening wail that sends shivers down the spine of everyone who can hear it. Outside, though, the audience is still cheering)

  


(Draco has fled the scene, unable to hide his sorrow but unwilling to add to the grief. He stands at one of the towers open windows and sings softly, and as he does the scene changes the grass seems greener, and the finery of the graduation has faded or been removed from the walls)

  


Draco: There was a boy... a very strange, enchanted boy...

  


(Inside the old, dusty turret sits Ron, looking a little more well-groomed then when we first saw him. He sits at his desk, quill in hand, and the fait scratch of ink on parchment can be heard as he writes. As he speaks we see the words forming on the paper)

  


Ron Voiceover: Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and then - one not-so-very-special day - I went to my typewriter, I sat down, and I wrote our story. A story about a time... A story about a place... A story about the people... But above all things, a story about love: A love that will live forever. The End.

(The scene slowly fades to black)


End file.
